Today, the Daily Rant has received shocking news. News so shocking that before you read on, you may need to take a seat....
It has been alleged that the lame duck Labour incumbent, Ed Milliband, is the love child of Rio Ferdinand and the character, 'Beaker' from the popular 'Muppets' TV series.
Our source advised us that Milliband, when pressed on the topic, repeated his "Let me tell you this" mantra whilst running, uncontrollably in circles and that at one point his language became undecipherable. "I couldn't make out a word, the question obviously caught him off guard. There was no substance to anything coming out of his mouth - the way he moved and the high pitch noises emanating from him made me feel uncomfortable. His last words were "mememememebabababap" - that was just before he vanished at speed.
Should you come in to contact with him, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, APPROACH HIM. He will become stressed, shouting "let me tell you this" and "New Labour got it wrong" over and over - we understand that this behaviour is an attempt by 'BEAKERBAND' to divert your thoughts from the fact that there is absolutely no substance to anything that comes out of his mouth.
Rio Ferdinand and Beaker were unavailable for comment.
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