X-Factor Finalists All Given Contracts!

X-FACTOR FINALISTS ALL OFFERED CONTRACTS...BY TESCO!!

The Security of Full-Time work has put them all at ease.

Whilst some are in shock, others expected nothing more. In the past few moments, The Daily Rant has learnt that the X-Factor finalists have all been offered full time employment from Tesco. All hopefuls are elated. 


The Panel of judges were less than pleased by the news. 

The above picture shows the carnage caused by Simon Cowell, seen driving a Rolls Royce through the front of the store. 


Mrs Richards, who lives 5 minutes away from the Tesco Store said "It was mental. We could see this Rolls-Royce, driving erratically and skidding around. As it got closer, all you could hear was Cheryl Cole, leaning out of the front passenger window shouting 'alreet ya fucken bastads, yooz gunna ged it noow!' none of us knew what to do."


The police informed us that Cowell and Cole were still at large but that 'the net was closing.' 


When we spoke to the new Tesco staff, Matt Cardel said "Well, it was really difficult. As you know, I struggle not to cry most of the time, so when Cheryl started calling me names, I just broke down." 


In a joint statement, the boys in 'Another Direction' were quoted as saying "we were worried about work and whether we'd need to sign on. There's no chance of us going to college, so we're all breathing a sigh of relief." Harry Styles went further, saying "I've been on the tills this afternoon - they were fucking brilliant - I've even been told that If I work hard, they may put me in charge of the chilled department In six - eight months."